Saturday, May 14, 2011

Emotional Rollercoaster

As an undergraduate, I constantly complained about being extremely busy and not having time for myself. As a graduate student, I do not even have the time to complain. My last blog post was in February! Between work, classes, LSAT and my New Orleans immersion trip, I have not had much free time. So here we go with a brief update.

I will be home, reunited with friends and family in San Francisco on June 5th. 
Breana and Sonny came to visit for Mother's Day
I also start my field work that week. I'm working with a community center in Bayview/Hunter's Point, interviewing girls for my masters thesis. I'm also working this summer. So again, I should be stressed. The last 10 months has reiterated the fact, God has such a larger purpose for my life. 
Team OMA (Office of Multicultural Affairs)
When I tell people about the many obstacles I've had to overcome, they are literally amazed. Over the past few months, I've disclosed anecdotes about my life and attested to my unconditional love for God, and many of my students are surprised. They are confused how I can go through such things, talk comfortably about social injustice, and still believe that God has my back. I wholeheartedly believe that God puts you through trials, to make you stronger. With strength and wisdom, you can be someone else's angel. I've had many angel moments this semester.

One in particular has brought tears to my eyes many nights. Back in January, I met a student. He is a charismatic and passionate person, so we immediately connected. We converse about our similar family backgrounds, our love for new things and our desire to help people. When I told him about losing my mom, he shared with me that his mom also battled cancer. He empathized with me because he had to help his mother as a teenager, but fortunately, he helped nurse his mother back to good health. Two weeks ago, I was in a meeting with the student, and he didn't seem like his normal self. He told the group that his mother's cancer had come back and the doctors are giving her six months. As I attentively listened, I didn't even notice the tears running down my face. I could remember having the same heart-wrenching conversation with my mom's doctor and the end result. 

So what could I do? I, by myself, could not do anything. I prayed and asked God, "Can you use me to bless him?" At 18 years old, a doctor told me those same words and I was lost. Of course I related with the student. So how did God use me? Miraculously (because I don't read the Bible as much I should), I was able to say:
"Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint" (Isaiah 40:31). 

"Be strong! Be courageous! Do not be afraid of them! For the Lord your God will be with you. He will neither fail you nor forsake you" (Deuteronomy 31:6).

And I hugged him. I gave him the tightest and warmest embrace that I could. I know that God is real and His love was in that hug! The same weekend that people are cheering with hearts of hatred because Osama Bin Laden was killed, we hugged each other and experienced God everlasting love flowing between us.  The past couple months have been some the hardest of my life, but it has only cultivated my testimony.

I don't share this to be audacious nor preachy. I share it to show God's power. Have you taken the time to share and cultivate your testimony? We are all amazing people -College students, graduates, young professionals, leaders in your respective field. We are achieving over and over again but how often do we take the time to reflect on the struggles in our lives? Take the time to think about stepping out of your comfort zone so that God can use you to touch people. 

While studying for my LSAT, I will be taking a giant jump out of my comfort zone and traveling to New Orleans, LA to live in a residential facility for people living with HIV/AIDS. Am I scared? Yes, but just about flying. I have no worries because I embrace the scripture "Be still and know that I am God." 
My NOLA team (missing a couple)
Just me exploring New York, NY (finally)


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